Skip to main content

‘I just can’t’ - confessional from someone who never learnt how to share

By

 “Here I am, surrounded by words—books I read in a day, essays I ace with minimal effort—yet I find it so hard to put together a complete sentence when it comes to something real. Maybe it's the fear. I fear that if I open this box, the words that come out will be a mess, a reflection of the chaos I call home.

See, my family is a paradox of loud silences and explosive outbursts. We communicate in a language of slammed doors and mumbled words. My attempts to have a normal conversation, to share my day or a thought, are usually met with dismissive grunts or remarks that cut the conversation short.

It's not that we don't love each other, I guess. We just don't know how to show it healthily. Affection is a foreign language, replaced by a tense standoff where everyone walks on eggshells, waiting for the next blowup.

This constant state of hypervigilance is now into every aspect of my life. I find myself holding back, not just with my family, but with everyone.  Friends try to engage me in conversations, but I shut down, offering one-word replies or deflecting with a joke. Dates are a disaster –  my inability to share anything personal creates an invisible wall, confusing and frustrating the people close to me.

The worst part is the loneliness. I crave connection, that deep, meaningful kind where you can be vulnerable and truly seen. But the fear is always there, a constricting force around my chest, choking back the words that yearn to be spoken.

Lately, there's been a glimpse of hope. A new girl at school, Maya. She has this way of looking at you, as if she can see right through the walls. We started talking, hesitantly at first, then with a growing sense of ease. Maybe it's because she doesn't expect some grand revelation, just a glimpse into the person behind the mask.

For the first time, I opened up to someone. It was a small thing, a silly dream I had, but the way her eyes lit up with interest, the way she asked questions and truly listened, it was a revelation. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn this – the art of vulnerability, of letting someone in. It won't be easy, but with each conversation and each shared story, the fear loosens its grip a little more. The girl hiding behind words is starting to appear, and for the first time, I believe someone might be willing to listen.”

A confessional by Myrto Papageorgiou, friend and colleague

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 29, 2024 at 3:33 PM

    Thank you for sharing what it feels like to start building a connection when we have little experience in feeling close in our primary family. It touched me deeply:-)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DIAL Project was labelled as a "Good Practice" Project

By
  We are pleased to share information that the DIAL project has been labelled as a “ Good Practice ” project by Erasmus+.  “ Good Practice ” is a label awarded by Erasmus+ to completed projects that have been particularly well managed and their method and outcomes can be a source of inspiration for others. The assessment takes into account the relevance of the project results and objectives, the quality of the project management and the impact and dissemination of the project results. The DIAL project card on the Erasmus+ Project Results platform can be viewed in this link , for your information. We warmly thank the Finnish Erasmus+ Agency for this award!  Congratulations to our coordinator ( Opintotoiminnan Keskusliitto ry ) and all the partners ( Cooperazione Paesi Emergenti (IT), FUNDACJA CENTRUM CYFROWE (PL),  GLOTTA NOVA center za novo znanje, d.o.o.  (SI), EYROPAIKO INSTITOYTO TOPIKHS ANAPTYKSHS (EL))!
Post a Comment
Read more

Tackling Polarisation Through Dialogue?

By
In a rapidly changing world, societal and political polarisation is becoming an increasingly critical issue, eroding trust and fostering division. The Dialogue in Adult Learning (DIAL) Erasmus Plus project addresses this challenge by equipping adults with essential dialogue skills. Polarisation often stems from and perpetuates a lack of meaningful conversation, creating barriers to understanding and cooperation. DIAL aims to bridge this gap by developing a model tailored for adults, empowering individuals to engage constructively in everyday discussions. This initiative aligns with the European Association for the Education of Adults' call to prioritize dialogue training, recognizing its potential to counteract "us vs. them" thinking and strengthen the foundations of European democracy. One of the most pressing societal challenges today is the spread of misinformation, which thrives on polarisation and emotional reactions. According to recent studies, only a small percent...
Post a Comment
Read more

Innovating for Inclusion: The DIAL Project’s Vision for Dialogue in a Turbulent World

By
As socio-political turbulence continues to challenge democratic values and social cohesion, the DIAL Erasmus Plus project emerges as a groundbreaking initiative to address these issues. At its core, DIAL’s vision of “dialogue for all” seeks to make dialogue skills more accessible, fostering greater engagement and reducing polarisation. Unlike traditional approaches that often focus on youth, this project places adults at the center, acknowledging their unique needs and life experiences. By treating dialogue as a fundamental life skill comparable to literacy or digital competence, DIAL offers a learner-centered model that empowers individuals to navigate contemporary challenges with confidence and empathy. What sets the DIAL project apart is its innovative approach to dialogue training. While existing models, like the Finnish Time Out dialogue, have proven effective in structured environments, they often fail to address everyday interactions. DIAL bridges this gap by creating a low-thre...
Post a Comment
Read more