I have always loved listening to others. Since I can remember I have been curious about people's inner worlds—what their dreams are, what shapes their thoughts, what inspires them, what triggers their anger, how they cope with sadness, what brings them joy. Other peoples' perspectives and the insights they can offer me have always been valuable to me.
And I have often been a person that my friends turned to when they needed support, a shoulder to cry on, or simply somebody who could just be there for them when they needed a talk or feel happy for them when they shared their adventures. It was only natural to me that I offered space for them and gave them my full attention. In return, I myself felt enriched, a tiny bit wiser, and better prepared for my own life challenges.
Luckily, my life path led me to find a profession that helps people learn how to better listen to themselves so that they can make better decisions and live a more fulfilling life. As a professional coach I feel privileged that I can share my clients' deepest thoughts, be a witness of the changes they go through in their personal growth and accompany them on their life journeys.
Through my professional development I learned how many different levels and shades of listening we can experience. It goes without saying that we can never quite master the art of listening despite our daily practice. Every interaction that we have with another person is a whole new story.
I believe dialogue is built on listening and I could very much agree with Stephen Covey, as he states in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” or listen first then speak. Time and again I have experienced that for good communication it’s important to let the other person fully express their thoughts, instead of rushing to share our own ideas, not only to avoid misunderstanding but also to allow ourselves to possibly change our own thinking by learning their story.
However, talking and participating with our views in a conversation is a part of a good dialogue, too. Giving words to our own thoughts and emotions, and talking from our experiences also matters. It is the only way we can think about and make sense of the world together, which is, in my opinion, what good dialogue is all about.
I used to find myself frequently slipping into a listening mode during conversations. Too often, I should say. It felt more comfortable. Naturally, we are good at what we practise…
But the thing is, everyone needs to have their voice heard.
I needed to admit myself that perhaps I tend to listen also because I was afraid of being misunderstood or that I would say something I might later regret. Or perhaps because I simply didn’t trust myself enough to believe that also my experience could be relevant. Yet another trap that prevented me from speaking up was my fear of conflict when confronted with a different opinion. I was afraid that a sense of harmony with people that I needed and I had been striving for all my life would be at stake.
These new perspectives sparked important insights about the position I wanted to hold in the world. I realized I needed to learn to voice my opinion, to make room for what I wanted to say, and to speak up when necessary, regardless of the circumstances.
I learned not to be discouraged if situations didn't always go smoothly and decided to approach daily conversations as opportunities to practice voicing my views, so that I would be prepared to express my opinion and stand up for my beliefs when it really matters.
It took me some time to realize that life is too short not to allow ourselves to be who we truly are. And yes, I’m still learning.
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