Skip to main content

I think I talk too much. Anybody else?

Image
By Karmen Š


I come from a very talkative family. A family where, for example, Sunday lunch with coffee and dessert is followed by hours of conversation about current topics. We are loud, and fast, sometimes it takes a real effort to get the word... - we all love to talk a lot.😊


And although in my work I can easily give the word to others and I can listen to them attentively, privately I am a real "chatterbox," as my aunt (also a pure-bred "chatterbox"), teasingly says to me every now and then. When I dive into extensive explanations, I forget about time, the words come by themselves, and I can barely keep up with my thoughts, as I want to express them all. It's no wonder that having coffee with my best friend (an even bigger "chatterbox" than me) always takes 2 to 3 hours😊 There’s so much we have to tell to each other…

Recently I’ve come across Marc Goulston's article »How to know if you talk too much«, where it says that we, “chatterboxes” like to talk and it brings us pleasure, because the hormone of pleasure, dopamine, is being released.
  1. Let's consider the reasons for the abundance of words: Is what I'm talking about important to me and I feel comfortable while speaking? Have too many things piled up? Is there something bothering me? Does talking help me clarify my thoughts? Is someone finally listening to me? Do I want to impress? Persuade? Be understood? Entertain? Let off steam? Do I tend to lose track of time?
  2. In the first phase talkative people like me stick to the topic, we are clear and precise. In the second phase, we often get caught up in our story and we usually don't notice that the listener is no longer paying full attention. In the third phase, we may digress into other topics or lose the thread of the conversation, realizing that the dialogue has turned into a monologue, and it would be necessary to involve the other person
  3. If a person we are talking to is rather impatient, after about 40 seconds it would already be time to involve them in the conversation.
40 seconds? No way, what can I tell over coffee and dessert at Sunday lunch in that time?😉 That could be possible at work, if necessary. How about you? Do you privately also talk too much sometimes? Do you dare to ask friends, colleagues, or family members how they perceive you?

Do you sometimes talk too much also as a teacher, coach, colleague, or leader? And if you are talking to a genuinely talkative participant, client, or colleague on the other side, what's behind their need to talk? What does that bring to them?

************

P.S. Excessive talking is sometimes just a habit or a personality trait. In some cases, however, it's a symptom. Learn more about it in the article The Psychology Behind Excessive Talking. Why Some People Compulsively Talk More Than Others

Comments

  1. IoannisOctober 31, 2023 at 5:14 PM

    I talk much too. With friends and family. I like to analyze the topics of conversation and detail them. Tiring for the listeners? I hope not. They are too kind with me, not telling me so!
    Some say it's a kind of anxiety symptom and similar things. You can read more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/defining-memories/202209/why-some-people-talk-too-much I do not agree with it. I believe over-talkers think quickly and develop dialogue aspects quickly and want to share all of them with their audience. For the benefit of the audience and the dialogue. Can someone see this in a negative way? Of course not! :)
    Any arguments? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. MillaNovember 6, 2023 at 10:37 AM

    I love talkative people, as long as they are also willing to listen to others and show interest. I myself am somewhere between talkative and not so talkative. I am not the one to dominate the conversation, but I want to participate just like anyone else. When I hear something interesting, it arouses thoughts in me and I want to comment. I get annoyed if the other person does not give me a chance to do it. The ideal would be to have both talking and listening in the same package!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karmen ŠNovember 8, 2023 at 10:41 AM

    Thank you, Ioannis - for the link. Very interesting findings.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dialogue, the art of breathing in and living in a European democracy

By
  I was browsing through quotes about the role of dialogue in democracy. I came across this one from the late American journalist William Greider : “ Democracy begins in human conversation. A democratic conversation does not require elaborate rules of procedure or utopian notions of perfect consensus. What it does require is a spirit of mutual respect – people conversing critically with one another in an atmosphere of shared regard. ” It's almost time for the European elections, and we live in a very divided world. Have we lost the ability for dialogue? This was, actually, the same question we asked when we set out to apply for our project. We wanted to bring dialogue to everyone in all kinds of settings to prevent polarisation. Schools, workplaces, voluntary organisations or even blocks of flats are all micro-democracies because they bring people together to decide on matters that unite them and that are meaningful. This means that we need dialogue skills for democratic participat...
1 comment
Read more

The Seaside Philosophical Chat

By
One evening recently, I found myself on a familiar beachside promenade while visiting friends in small coastal city. What actually made this evening special was the unexpected dialogue between two elderly gentlemen, Yiannis and Michalis, who had been friends for decades. I knew them for decades but not too well. So, while passing by them I tried to overheard them. They occupied a weathered bench overlooking the serene sea, sharing stories from the past as it seemed to me, and indulging in a spirited debate. Yiannis, a twinkle in his eye, mused, 'Michalis, have you ever wondered why we chase happiness, when it's right here in moments like this?' Michalis, his face etched with wisdom, replied, 'Ah, Yiannis, it's in the chase that we find purpose. Happiness is the quest, not just the destination.' Their dialogue touched upon life's fundamental questions—happiness, the passage of time, and the meaning of a life well-lived. It was a conversation steeped in philos...
5 comments
Read more

Unlock Your Dialogue Skills

By Karmen Š
Do you want to … Talk to your friends and colleagues with openness and curiosity? ... Understand other people better? ... Get to know your neighbours better or do a project with them? ... Get along with your partner on a joint vacation? ... Have a pleasant time when your children and grandchildren visit you? ... Or you want to be able to take part and contribute at local community events? We warmly invite you into the world of conversation! Dialogue brings us closer together and helps us to learn from each other, get to know each other and better understand each other’s needs. Dialogue is not always easy, nor does it always come naturally to us. We encourage you to practise and not give up even if things don’t go perfectly. The journey to dialogue is good to start by looking at some terms and concepts. When we understand what dialogue is about, we can avoid conflict and promote communication. Partners in project DIAL (Dialogue in Adult Education) believe that: Dialogue is a genuine exc...
3 comments
Read more