I come from a very talkative family. A family where, for example, Sunday lunch with coffee and dessert is followed by hours of conversation about current topics. We are loud, and fast, sometimes it takes a real effort to get the word... - we all love to talk a lot.😊
And although in my work I can easily give the word to others and I can listen to them attentively, privately I am a real "chatterbox," as my aunt (also a pure-bred "chatterbox"), teasingly says to me every now and then. When I dive into extensive explanations, I forget about time, the words come by themselves, and I can barely keep up with my thoughts, as I want to express them all. It's no wonder that having coffee with my best friend (an even bigger "chatterbox" than me) always takes 2 to 3 hours😊 There’s so much we have to tell to each other…
Recently I’ve come across Marc Goulston's article »How to know if you talk too much«, where it says that we, “chatterboxes” like to talk and it brings us pleasure, because the hormone of pleasure, dopamine, is being released.
- Let's consider the reasons for the abundance of words: Is what I'm talking about important to me and I feel comfortable while speaking? Have too many things piled up? Is there something bothering me? Does talking help me clarify my thoughts? Is someone finally listening to me? Do I want to impress? Persuade? Be understood? Entertain? Let off steam? Do I tend to lose track of time?
- In the first phase talkative people like me stick to the topic, we are clear and precise. In the second phase, we often get caught up in our story and we usually don't notice that the listener is no longer paying full attention. In the third phase, we may digress into other topics or lose the thread of the conversation, realizing that the dialogue has turned into a monologue, and it would be necessary to involve the other person
- If a person we are talking to is rather impatient, after about 40 seconds it would already be time to involve them in the conversation.
40 seconds? No way, what can I tell over coffee and dessert at Sunday lunch in that time?😉 That could be possible at work, if necessary. How about you? Do you privately also talk too much sometimes? Do you dare to ask friends, colleagues, or family members how they perceive you?
Do you sometimes talk too much also as a teacher, coach, colleague, or leader? And if you are talking to a genuinely talkative participant, client, or colleague on the other side, what's behind their need to talk? What does that bring to them?
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P.S. Excessive talking is sometimes just a habit or a personality trait. In some cases, however, it's a symptom. Learn more about it in the article The Psychology Behind Excessive Talking. Why Some People Compulsively Talk More Than Others
I talk much too. With friends and family. I like to analyze the topics of conversation and detail them. Tiring for the listeners? I hope not. They are too kind with me, not telling me so!
ReplyDeleteSome say it's a kind of anxiety symptom and similar things. You can read more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/defining-memories/202209/why-some-people-talk-too-much I do not agree with it. I believe over-talkers think quickly and develop dialogue aspects quickly and want to share all of them with their audience. For the benefit of the audience and the dialogue. Can someone see this in a negative way? Of course not! :)
Any arguments? LOL
I love talkative people, as long as they are also willing to listen to others and show interest. I myself am somewhere between talkative and not so talkative. I am not the one to dominate the conversation, but I want to participate just like anyone else. When I hear something interesting, it arouses thoughts in me and I want to comment. I get annoyed if the other person does not give me a chance to do it. The ideal would be to have both talking and listening in the same package!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ioannis - for the link. Very interesting findings.
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